Just a Random Saying

It feels weird. 

When your house called you a freak, a sick human.

Yet what you do is only to meet their expectation.

I'm tired.

I've been trying to do it for my whole life.

And they always see me as a freak...?

When I tried to speak my mind,

they always say that I'm looking for excuses.

They say, they raised me wrongly.

But they still scolding me, even hurting me when I was a kid.

I'm a grown woman right now.

Talking about this thing in my age is actually innapropriate, but

I do feel inferior.

Maybe they never see me as a person that feel inferior because

I always pretend that I am awesome. I do. 

I'm traumatized by... this thing you called "just speak your mind to them!"

I ever do that, three times.

And it all went bad.

First, they scold me back, calling me a faker. 

Two faced, they never expected me to do that.

What you gonna do? 

I'm holding it for 8 years that time.

Second time, was worse.

They didn't even remember the thing that made me sad ever happened when I was a little girl.

Third time, is the first time I cried in front of them.

And they scold me back, again, for crying.

And didn't hear me out in the end.

I don't understand what rule that going in to this house.

I stopped trying to kill my self when I realize that it's pointless.

They called me a sick.

Yet I'm just trying to meet your expectations.

I just don't understand. 

But I love my friends, I love my little own world on my bed before I go to sleep.

I love the world I create on the piece of paper.

I will still survive.

No matter what it takes.